Using “I Statements” in Relationships: increasing assertiveness and decreasing blame

Learning a balanced approach that lies between being overly aggressive and passively submissive can be transformation. Teaching individuals to communicate assertively, while reducing blame and conflict, is a key area of focus in many therapeutic settings.

One effective strategy for achieving this balance is the use of “I Statements.” These statements allow individuals to express their feelings and needs without casting blame on others, fostering a more constructive dialogue. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” one might convey, “I feel unheard when you look at your phone while I’m speaking.” This approach shifts the focus from the other person’s actions to one’s own experience, reducing defensiveness and opening the door to understanding. Moreover, “I Statements” can help clarify personal boundaries and encourage mutual respect. They can be particularly useful during conflicts, as they promote a non-confrontational atmosphere where both parties feel safe to express their thoughts and feelings. Practicing this form of communication can lead to healthier interactions, less resentment, and a deeper emotional connection between partners. Ultimately, implementing “I Statements” effectively requires practice and self-awareness. Individuals must be in tune with their emotions and be willing to communicate those feelings openly. By doing so, they take proactive steps toward nurturing their relationships and creating an environment of trust and cooperation.

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Dr. Kaia Calbeck

Dr. Kaia Calbeck underwent her doctoral training at the University of Miami’s Counseling Psychology Doctoral Program, which is accredited by the American Psychological Association. Her dissertation received a prestigious Award of Academic Merit. She began her graduate studies at the University of Kentucky, where she earned a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology.

Dr. Calbeck started her academic career at the University of Florida, where she graduated Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa. She majored in Psychology, with a minor in Anthropology, and an outside concentration in Dance Performance.

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